"deep ocean, vast sea"

honest, i really do want to blog more.

even more honest, there's so much and so little somehow going on at the same time these days that i get a little shaky everytime i think about trying to put a pen to paper (finger to keyboard?).

i've been thinking on so many levels recently. i realize that could sound arrogant, but that's definitely not what i mean. what i mean is, there are days where watching a tv show feels like the highest intellectual endeavor i could possibly pursue, and others when seminary and all its offerings are entirely compelling and enticing. there are days when i go to bed wondering if i've had a single original thought, and days when i'd give up eating macaroni and cheese for a year (yes, that would be a huge deal) if i could just will my brain to slow down.

this probably all sounds like i'm not peaceful these days...like i'm extremely stressed or tired or unbalanced. but to be perfectly honest, i think this may be just right. every day is different in a way, and exactly the same in others. same home, same job, same faith, same love of my life to wake up next to, yet new thoughts, new understandings, even new beliefs some days. perhaps this is what growing up looks like. if so, i think we'll all be okay.

(blog/song title - "deep ocean, vast sea" by peter murphy)

eve.

school begins tomorrow, its "bouquets of sharpened pencils" (name that movie) beckoning jared and i to greet it. and so, we decide, we shall.

we've been planning this for years and here it is. i can happily say our expectations in terms of details are quite slim, we simply hope to learn, to discover, to enjoy. i suppose those are acceptable things to expect.

speaking of learning, discovering, and enjoying, i've been absolutely delighting in having a keyboard in my home once again. jared and i sang and played together a few times this weekend and i can see it becoming quite a lovely little life hobby for us. how joyful.

also, my friendly neighborhood facebook profile now contains photos of our happy little home. feel free to visit, enjoy, and comment - i do love a good comment.

speed of sound.

oh, my.


....overwhelmed.

i think i've started to associate my blog with ireland..with all that happened that which seems so close yet so far away from this moment. this moment, this moment which has me in our new apartment, sitting on the fourth floor of a highrise, looking out on the seminary's lovely little campus. this moment, which is coming not long after the moment i experienced today when someone looked at me and said "we have an offer for you" and hired me to work for a non-profit. this moment, which has me looking at my husband, my apartment, my new life and thinking "God is so good. God is fo faithful."

and what's beautiful to me, is that i was saying the exact same thing in ireland, and it was just as true there as it is here. our lives have changed in almost every way, yet He, our Essential, remains. and that is why He is good, why He is faithful - because He remains center while all else revolves. blessed be the name of the Lord.

onward.

in approximately 12 hours (yes, 3am irish time), jared and i will be waking up and headed to the cork airport for our 6am flight. 23 hours later (yes, 3am irish time) and 3 flights later, we'll arrive in houston.

...excuse me, summer, where do you think you're going?

and not just summer, but what happened to the two years of anticipation to come here?

jared graduated from college.
we got engaged.
we got married.
i graduated college.
we worked full time jobs.
we got on a plane.

oh yeah.

it is time to go home, we can feel it. but how is it possible that august is just hours away?

we quit our jobs.
we put all our stuff in storage.
we celebrated our one year anniversary.
we got on a plane.
we spent two weeks with our hosts.
the team came and went.
we spent two more weeks with our hosts.
we're getting on a plane.

ohhh, yeah. that's how it's posible.

we'll miss ireland dearly, but the next stage of our life is knocking at the door and its just about time to invite it in for coffee.

what a sweet summer we have had. words will never be able to capture all we have learned, seen, heard, realized, discovered, and enjoyed. life is sweet when Jesus is leading.

i often wondered how the end of the summer would feel. would i be devestated to leave? would i be counting down the seconds with anticipation? i am thrilled to say that it is neither. the summer could not have been more wonderful, more full. yet, i have grown immeasurably more confident that the Lord gives and takes away in His own timing, and He is also the Giver of all good things. so, when we walk with Him, we can be content to leave the old and happy to walk into the new. it doesn't mean it isn't hard, it doesn't mean newness doesn't breed a bit of nervousness, but it does mean that we are free to be excited and joyful as we walk with God because we are assured of Who He is.

off we go.

spaces.

sometimes blank spaces are a little intimidating.
yet, sometimes filled spaces are a little intimidating too.

i feel like our life is filled, somehow, with both of these right now.

today, its a rainy day in youghal and we have little to no plans as ernie and nancy are heading out for the day. at some point, we'll be making copies of fliers for the soccer camp next week, but other than that...the day is ours. blank spaces.

yesterday, we spent the day barbecuing with folks from the midleton church, one of the daughter churches of the cork church (the original church plant in the area), of which youghal baptist is a granddaughter church. we had a joyful day, and i even got to spend time with two of my girls from my quiet time group at camp. then, we joined kate, emma, and their mom, debbie, for a night of watching irish musicians and dancers - it was absolutely splendid. such a "cultural experience." filled spaces.

during our last week here, a northern irish team coming down to put on a soccer camp will be staying with us (well, the 8 guys will...2 girls are staying with jessie) so we'll be busy feeding them, getting to know them, and sharing our house with them. we fly out the same morning that they do. filled spaces.

when we get home...i don't even know what to say about getting home. so many empty spaces, so many filled spaces. catching up with friends, family, and supporters - filled spaces. moving - filled spaces. job hunting and getting ready for school - empty, unknown, exciting, daunting spaces.

He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me. - Psalm 18:19
perhaps God rejoices with us, should we choose to rejoice, in the empty spaces of our life...

Until now you have asked for nothing in My name; ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be made full. - John 16:24
ah, filled spaces.

so, my heart says, no matter how planned, how scheduled, how understandable, how attainable the "spaces" in my life may be - I will rejoice! God has gone before me, He comes with me, He follows close behind me...He is in every space of my life. May He continue penetrating further and further in to every corner and detail.